I reached out to a turquoise sari with hints of orange. The sensation of the material against the skin feels soft, and transparent. Examining the patterns on the fabric was intricately created through a skilled process known as Bandhani. The term Bandhani is originated from the Sanskrit, which means to bind or to tie. (Yoshiko, W. 2002). Sheer lightness and transparency of this Sari is made from chiffon, a French term, which literally means ‘cloth’ or ‘rag’. Its lustrous appearance is derived from Silk, which makes it expensive because of its limited availability and cost of production. The sari moves with eloquence, it is constantly on stage whose presence must be remembered. In the same token, the way the sari feels on the body, profoundly affects a women’s experience of the garment. The graceful folds of the pleats fan out between the legs elegantly whilst walking. The chiffon sari moulds beautifully around the body and when it is over the shoulder, much of it cascades off the arm exploiting the slippering potential of the fabric. An inquisitive sense unearths from individuals as I enter the class at university. After lunch, I move across to another room to prepare for teaching and I was unable to enter the room. I enquire at the from desk of the university as to why my ID card would let me enter the room. The gentleman at the front desk started asking all sorts of questions such as, “are you new here?”, Did you use your key card over the barrier?”, “what room are you teaching in?”, “do you have some proof you are in this room?”. The last question made me feel that I was not taken seriously as a staff member and probably that he had not seen anyone wear a sari. At that point I had to present a poster with the workshop details along with the room number. Could there have been a hint of implicit bias in this scenario? The answer is yes, especially as the biases is on appearance – it can be easy to make snap judgements based upon the appearance of an individual. Either way, it has given me ammunition to wear the sari more often at university.
Writing
The process of writing is not an easy one for me. The reason is that it takes me lengthy time to get my thoughts together and put pen to paper and even at that stage it can still be daunting.
I become very anxious about articulation, spellings, missing words and especially making sense of it all. There is also a chance that I do not follow the topic with enough focus and end up being side-tracked, which can lead to rambling.
I remember writing a piece of reflection on the stigma attached to dyslexia and it took me almost two hours of re-reading and editing it before I had finished. And I am still not satisfied with it!
My MA major project journey started at the end of 2021, and it has been difficult to adopt the right mind-set to start writing. Usually, I am sitting in front of the blank screen thinking about how to start the piece of writing.
Inspiration emerges from the literature one reads, and I have to say after reading books (but not always completing them) it has supported my writing. Yesterday, when undertaking an activity on writing for five minutes, I predicted it was not going to go well with numerous grammars, spelling mistakes, and missing words emerging.
After the exercise, the lecturer introduced us to a new concept on writing called the Pomodoro technique. This is where you write for 20 minutes followed by a break for 10 minutes doing something other than writing. The technique is repeated until you have finished the piece of writing.
Funnily enough I did exactly that on the weekend (but I took longer breaks) and it worked. I managed to write a little over 2,000 words in draft. No doubt I will be re-reading, editing, and tweaking it, hence why it is in draft format.
Strangely enough, reading is another area that does not seem to come easy to me since, my attention span has decreased. I have now started using small post-it page markers, so I can refer to specific extracts relevant to my research. In any case, this is all part of the learning process and will be worth it in the end!
The Other Side of Silence
A while back I finished the book on “The Other Side of Silence”, by Urvashi Butalia. It was an intense, descriptive, and an emotional read. Urvashi managed to talk to some people, that I imagine would have been difficult for individuals to unburden their heavy heart and expose their story. It was especially difficult for the women who faced rape and abduction. I was alarmed on hearing some of the narratives on these women, especially the mass suicide in Thao Khalsa in Rawalpindi, where 84 women jumped in the well saving themselves from either being converted, abducted, killed or raped. One woman, Basant Kaur jumped into the well, but it was so full she did not drown – she attempted this four times. Many women offered themselves up for death without no fear, as they would rather die than to be converted or raped. Once a loving community of Sikh, Hindus and Muslims living together, were now killing each other – it was heart-breaking to hear this and how could this have happened? The horrific event is still affected by many today.