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I reached out to a turquoise sari with hints of orange. The sensation of the material against the skin feels soft, and transparent. Examining the patterns on the fabric was intricately created through a skilled process known as Bandhani. The term Bandhani is originated from the Sanskrit, which means to bind or to tie. (Yoshiko, W. 2002). Sheer lightness and transparency of this Sari is made from chiffon, a French term, which literally means ‘cloth’ or ‘rag’. Its lustrous appearance is derived from Silk, which makes it expensive because of its limited availability and cost of production.  The sari moves with eloquence, it is constantly on stage whose presence must be remembered. In the same token, the way the sari feels on the body, profoundly affects a women’s experience of the garment. The graceful folds of the pleats fan out between the legs elegantly whilst walking. The chiffon sari moulds beautifully around the body and when it is over the shoulder, much of it cascades off the arm exploiting the slippering potential of the fabric. An inquisitive sense unearths from individuals as I enter the class at university. After lunch, I move across to another room to prepare for teaching and I was unable to enter the room. I enquire at the from desk of the university as to why my ID card would let me enter the room. The gentleman at the front desk started asking all sorts of questions such as, “are you new here?”, Did you use your key card over the barrier?”, “what room are you teaching in?”, “do you have some proof you are in this room?”. The last question made me feel that I was not taken seriously as a staff member and probably that he had not seen anyone wear a sari. At that point I had to present a poster with the workshop details along with the room number. Could there have been a hint of implicit bias in this scenario? The answer is yes, especially as the biases is on appearance – it can be easy to make snap judgements based upon the appearance of an individual. Either way, it has given me ammunition to wear the sari more often at university.

The process of writing is not an easy one for me. The reason is that it takes me lengthy time to get my thoughts together and put pen to paper and even at that stage it can still be daunting.

I become very anxious about articulation, spellings, missing words and especially making sense of it all. There is also a chance that I do not follow the topic with enough focus and end up being side-tracked, which can lead to rambling.

I remember writing a piece of reflection on the stigma attached to dyslexia and it took me almost two hours of re-reading and editing it before I had finished. And I am still not satisfied with it!

My MA major project journey started at the end of 2021, and it has been difficult to adopt the right mind-set to start writing. Usually, I am sitting in front of the blank screen thinking about how to start the piece of writing.

Inspiration emerges from the literature one reads, and I have to say after reading books (but not always completing them) it has supported my writing. Yesterday, when undertaking an activity on writing for five minutes, I predicted it was not going to go well with numerous grammars, spelling mistakes, and missing words emerging.

After the exercise, the lecturer introduced us to a new concept on writing called the Pomodoro technique. This is where you write for 20 minutes followed by a break for 10 minutes doing something other than writing. The technique is repeated until you have finished the piece of writing.

Funnily enough I did exactly that on the weekend (but I took longer breaks) and it worked. I managed to write a little over 2,000 words in draft. No doubt I will be re-reading, editing, and tweaking it, hence why it is in draft format.

Strangely enough, reading is another area that does not seem to come easy to me since, my attention span has decreased. I have now started using small post-it page markers, so I can refer to specific extracts relevant to my research. In any case, this is all part of the learning process and will be worth it in the end!

A while back I finished the book on “The Other Side of Silence”, by Urvashi Butalia. It was an intense, descriptive, and an emotional read.  Urvashi managed to talk to some people, that I imagine would have been difficult for individuals to unburden their heavy heart and expose their story. It was especially difficult for the women who faced rape and abduction. I was alarmed on hearing some of the narratives on these women, especially the mass suicide in Thao Khalsa in Rawalpindi, where 84 women jumped in the well saving themselves from either being converted, abducted, killed or raped. One woman, Basant Kaur jumped into the well, but it was so full she did not drown – she attempted this four times. Many women offered themselves up for death without no fear, as they would rather die than to be converted or raped. Once a loving community of Sikh, Hindus and Muslims living together, were now killing each other – it was heart-breaking to hear this and how could this have happened? The horrific event is still affected by many today.

I find personal pleasure in draping yards of soft fabric fluidly over my body; adjusting the folded pleats carefully which tucks into the petticoat and pull the material to suit a particular form, translating into a sartorial sense of elegance. The sari creates an embodiment of grace and conceals as much as it reveals. It reflects and communicates, evoking a feeling of nostalgia, memory, and identity. Wearing a sari is second nature to me and more often worn at celebratory events. My luxurious saris occupy the wardrobe and I stumble across a range of colourful ones. I reach out to a ruby red satin-silk sari and unravel the metres of fabric, feeling smooth against my skin; the smell derived from sericin in the silkworm gum and the rustling sound of silk determines its quality. The cropped sleeveless blouse has seven hook and eyes secured down the centre front seam. I add stylish trainers to the attire and wear a large coat to cover any revealing skin. I nervously hop onto the tube expecting to have eyes judging me, but it was surprisingly quiet. At university in England wearing a sari, is quite unheard of and given it was first experience of this, I felt strangely nauseous, exposed, and apprehensive – yet comfortable. After hearing compliments from peers, I felt at ease. I vividly remember someone say, “You look like you are dressed to go to an event.” This led me to ask, is culturally dressing not deemed professional?

Our identities are exemplified through dress. It exposes a language of gender, ethnicity, class, social, religion, culture, and race.  The dress provides us an intimate feeling and an exhilarating experience of the self. In principle, it is through our dress we position ourselves in society and that our identities are revealed or even concealed from others. Dress choices almost always generates tension between individuals and the social discourse.

A dress or a garment on a mannequin leaves a notion of absence and no feeling – which is half understood. Therefore, the idea of body and dress are inextricable from one another. Dress is so intimately connected to the body, which brings me to how a dressed body is closely linked to identity. The identity is manifested through the body, dress, and self; and these are perceived simultaneously as whole. Dress provides layers of meaning to the body and the body in relation to the dress. Would dress be defined as a static cultural object? True to some extent when not on a body but this would still reveal a narrative of someone’s identity based on assumptions. (Pereira-Ares, N. 2018).

I am a British Asian Indian born in the UK and my identity was shaped by my parents up to a certain age. As a Sikh woman and since a young age it had been hammered into me not to forget who I am through religious practice and through clothing. Yet strangely, I have not worn a sari or salwar and Kameez to work or as a student. I also do not see many South Asian Indians wearing their cultural dress at university. Why is that? I feel there is a deep narrative behind these reasons, and there could be many reasons such as, uncomfortable, wrongly judged, and the discomfort feeling through exclusion.

On reflection, the interview in Deem Journal offered a great deal of knowledge about strategies in engaging the audience and why they work? I feel that Adrienne is a combination of both a teacher and a facilitator. Adrienne believes that the way she delivers in a workshop is magic and moment the magic occurs is through relationships and faith, which ‘had resonated with me in a spiritual way. The piece on ‘intentional adaptation’ is about figuring out the intention, moving towards it and how to make sure the change has made a difference? I know we should have a direction in mind, but it can go either way as our thinking shifts, and we are constantly evolving – but it is all about figuring it out.

A terminology created by Adrienne is ‘Imagination battles’ essentially this means preaching and imposing your own ideas onto someone. In contrast, ‘Imagination collaboration’, is about collaborating with a group of people who have different disciplines and bringing a set of creative minds to the table. I was drawn to the ways on how Adrienne creates engagement in a room and all through using the correct questions, particularly open-ended ones. This led me to the article that I am reading called ‘The Art of Powerful Questions’ by Eric E. Vogt, Juanita Brown, and David Isaacs. When using key powerful questions to facilitate a workshop they not only engage groups of individuals, but you end up with a fruitful outcome.

I quite agree with the fact of your true “authentic self is the irresistible experience” stated by Adrienne, but it is also depends on how one approaches a workshop or lesson in creating a “wow- factor”. Bottom line – work on an idea that you feel passionate about, which can develop into something meaningful.

The book titled, ‘’Why I’m no Longer Talking to White People About Race’’ by Reni Eddo-Lodge was a refreshing perspective and Reni challenged people she had met or interviewed. It raised some important issues regarding the system, white privilege, race and class. I found the chapter, ‘Fear of a Black Planet’ insightful, especially the fuelling conversation with Nick Griffin (Former British Party Leader) who thinks that ‘British people are an ethnic minority’ and in his words he states, “they will become ethnic minority, which is ludicrous.  Nick also thinks that “all people of different race have a right to remain the dominant people, culturally and ethically, in their own homeland”. It is strange, how he has forgotten that the British Empire were not in their homeland when they ruled many countries. People of those countries fought for independence and to eliminate imperialism as well as oppression.

This book was empowering, and I agree with Reni that we certainly must hang to hope and surround ourselves with people who draw strength on discussing the topic of race. There is more we can do, and as Reni beautifully reveals, “it’s our task. It needs to be done with whatever resources we have on hand. We need to change narratives. We need to change the frames. We need to claim the entirety of British History. We need to let it be known that black is British, that brown is British, and we are not going away”! This thought-provoking book provides space for further discussion on validating various assumptions. 

2022 has begun and I feel anxious about the major dissertation project and most likely due to writing or narrowing down the ideas. Now, a creative block has emerged, and I cannot shift from it, so I am going to with it and see what unfolds!